Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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