Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
