He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
