dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Randomize
