The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
