I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
