Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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