Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize