community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
