Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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