Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
