Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
