i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
