literally had 100 drinks last night.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
