remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
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