I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
