you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
