I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
The struggles of a small town man whore
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
