I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
