He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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