My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
