Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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