The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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