bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize