in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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