unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Randomize
