This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
