yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
