this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
