I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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