turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
