Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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