My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
