butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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