nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
