just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize