no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
