i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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