I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
