I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
