If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
