"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
