oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
