You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
