I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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