We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
