Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize