Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Never joke about your clitoris.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
