Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
