this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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