wrigley field is MILF paradise
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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