chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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