we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
