your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize