So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
