I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
