i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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