My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
