I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
