I hate all girls vehemently.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
