so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
