My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
