...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
