So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize