Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
