So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
