Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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