Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Say something about gay babies.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
