we have officially lost it.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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