3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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