Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
