She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize