yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
