Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm at about main and main street
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
