hell yes lets make some ravioli
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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